Not being able to sleep after about 1:30 this morning, my brain was reasoning through conversations and learning of the last 24 hours and last 24 years, I finally couldn't stand it and got up and went out to the trailer. (County says we must sleep in the house and not "live" in the trailer except during waking hours.) In the slit between the garage and trailer roof I looked up and was startled (this is Oregon) to see *stars*. Not just stars but Orion, the dragon slayer, and Pleides. I immediately remembered that this is exactly the same view (less full moon) we had 17 years ago on about the same week, on a toss-and-turn night shivering on the hard ground in about the last-available camping spot in an Appomattox campground. 

What a lot we have learned and done since then. 

The more I think on it, the more puzzled I am about being accused of the cause of my excommunication.

The idea is, that I thought I was right and everybody else was wrong and would not listen to any reasons why I was wrong nor were there any other men considered authorities that agreed with me, now or at any other time in church history.

I would not accept correction, and this refusing was the contumacy that necessitated excommunication from Reformation Covenant Church.

Obviously the core of the accusation is not that I thought I was right. That is a given for every man that speaks or thinks. In fact, you better not trust or get involved with any man who is double-minded and holds mirror opposite beliefs as true at the same time. That is clear mental illness or worse. Of course every man trying to hold rational conversation, give reason, or persuade, or defend -- is going to think he is right. 

This is no argument or accusation at all.

But even if it was, I am not such a man. At the first, when I went to the elders to ask and appeal about the truth of the details of the Christian's responsibility to refuse dishonest gain in all its forms -- I knew it would be very costly to obey this truth, and to this day, cannot bring my whole soul and body yet to acknowledge and agree with and obey what my head and heart know to be true. When you compare my behavior, what I tolerate in myself, versus the Biblical teaching I point to and try to intellectually affirm, argue, and defend -- you could justly say, that I do not think my view (singular) is right. It is obvious that I think I am wrong, depending on which 'side' of me you are talking about. One 'side' thinks the other 'side' is wrong.

One side of me knows that participation in my employer's offered, ACA/Obamacare health insurance plan, with it's coverage of feticide on-demand, is active, deliberate participation in theft and murder -- and yet my behavior says it is a good and right thing.

If possible my double-opposite position on the Social Security Administration is even worse.

You could lay a credible argument that I have not been seeking elder approval of my theological  viewpoint and applications, but elder condemnation. My head and my heart wanted allies in the war against my Adamic nature, and the world-at-large, and what my body was doing through the fear of Man.

You would not accuse me of being closed to reasoning if you had read the 800+ pages of my correspondence with the elders 2006 and following. You would see your fill of examples of me intensely listening to what the elders preached and wrote, and showing my understanding of what they were saying. I would have repeated what they said, and compared it to Scripture and what