Thanks to "Admiral" Paul for this one....

Pilot Philosophy

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> ?
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> The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?
> The duck can fly.
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> A check ride ought to be like a skirt.
> Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.
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> Speed is life.
> Altitude is life insurance.
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> It only takes two things to fly:
> Airspeed, and money.
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> The three most dangerous things in aviation:
> 1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna.
> 2. Two captains in a DC-9.
>
> Aircraft Identification:
> If it's ugly, it's British.
> If it's weird, it's French.
> If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
>
> Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.
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> The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
> If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
> If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
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> The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.
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> New FAA motto:
> 'We're not happy, till you're not happy.'
>
> If something hasn't broken on your helicopter--it's about to.
>
> I give that landing a 9 . . on the Richter scale.
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> Basic Flying Rules:
> 1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
> 2. Do not go near the edges of it.
> 3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.
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> Unknown landing signal officer (LSO) to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt:
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> "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."
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> The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement.
> A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.
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